As is.

Here it is: I knew a man, I reacquainted with this man, we fell in love, he’s in prison an hour away, and FINALLY FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I know more than ever how I deserve to be in a relationship with a loving and caring life partner (not a fling, not someone I settle for, not a one night stand, not someone who wants something different).

I’ve supported him financially, emotionally, and I’ve literally housed his mom for over a year. I love him so much that faith has carried my hope since day one. I’ve been his rock.

I want more. And not in a totally selfish way. Even if I hadn’t done so much for him, I still want him more than anything else I’ve ever wanted from a relationship. While IN a relationship.

I get a one hour phone call a night when we can talk. And I see him two hours a weekend…. But I haven’t seen him since the weekend before Thanksgiving because DOC is ridiculous.

These hurtful feelings have surfaced strongly and suddenly because of the above mentioned circumstances of not seeing him in so long.

The thing is, he has done the same for me. Maybe not financially or housed a loved one but he has been so important and impactful to me and my growing period.

I love him guys. So much. And it is worth the pain to stay, to hold onto hope with him/for him; especially since he gets out in 4 months.

I love him and I’m thankful for him and I don’t regret a moment. I just hurt from missing him.

But.

I love him.

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