Today is Father’s Day…

Does anyone else have a father and they are not going to their Father’s Day celebratory dinner, BBQ, party, etc.?

Because I’m not and I feel guilt. And I can’t figure out why. Other than I am a compassionate person.

I was raised in a nightmare of an environment. It was so awful. And at 31 I am finally processing all of it, putting perspective on it, and making peace and forgiveness.

But I’m simply not ready to be there… so close to him. He was there for me selflessly when I needed him the most. But everyday life was hostile.

Why do I feel such guilt? Am I selfish for this?

— — —

After typing this, I searched Google for an image of “Father and daughter”. A lot of touching pictures came up of these super happy fathers and daughters. I then sent this text to my step-father:

“Thank you for being there so selflessly so many times when I needed you most. There are a lot of things that aren’t fair from my childhood but I’ve forgiven most of them. I just want you to know that I AM thankful for all the good. Sorry I can’t make it to your dinner. And I hope you have a good day.”

— — —

I did the best I knew how to do today.