To Be Determined…

I can’t stop loving you. I am so unequivocally in love with you. And when I ask myself “why” I am left with the blessing of shame for not moving on as fast as you did. We loved each other very differently when we had our time. You lived in the fantasy world of optimism… Continue reading To Be Determined…

Finding Gratitude in the Dark

I had a very rough day. My body and brain are still trying to adjust to a rather crazy change in a mood stabilizer/SSRI and the side effects continue. Hallucinations, outbursts of crying, extreme depression and fatigue, and the occasional panic attack. It’s almost midnight and as I reflect back on today, I am grateful… Continue reading Finding Gratitude in the Dark

Learning to Love

It’s never easy to walk away, let her go. When you touched my heart, you could tell I was broken. Everything leads to – just walk away – but you love me. It will be okay. It will hurt. Bottoms up, tonight. Time can’t steal the love you’re born to find. Never easy but you’ll… Continue reading Learning to Love

This is me.

I have been struggling with the side effects of depresion and anxiety medications for a little over three years now. When I took a mental health genetics test through GeneSight it finally led us on the right path. However, no one could have guessed just how sensitive my system really is. I have tried over… Continue reading This is me.

Who Am I – A Poem?

A different place, different conversation. Still wanting to runaway now. Chasing my self, seeking my personality not found. Who am I? If I can’t have myself then you can’t have me either. Lost, hot damn. This river flows and boulders crash circling the tornado. At rock bottom, does the grass grow green? Glimmer before me?… Continue reading Who Am I – A Poem?

Food Will (almost) Always Win

Shit. It’s one of those days where it doesn’t matter what happens around me or what my mind decides to do or not do… I just want to eat. I need to eat. After 31 years I still think it is strange how a person can consciously know they are full AND still listen to… Continue reading Food Will (almost) Always Win

Sunday Morning

Sunday morning! I don’t get many quiet Sunday mornings. The busyness of dogs everywhere and feeling the need to have an agenda to get things done. Exhausting! But this morning I am DONE with agendas. I am perfectly content taking my mild-depression to the couch with my laptop and coffee. Feels SO good!!! Side note:… Continue reading Sunday Morning

Internal Hope

Internal Hope – Originally posted August 5th, 2017 I think of the word “hope” and I must admit, I have no idea how to put a definition on the word. And I use it all the time. Hell, within my first blog on this site, “My Personal Hell”, I referred to hope. In case you can’t… Continue reading Internal Hope