I haven’t been on here since February and it feels like just yesterday. It is incredible how so much heartache and so much growth can happen in a few short months.
I’m still working through all my demons. Some days I am brilliant. Other days I pull myself out of bed.
I’m still a little confused why I came back to blogging. I’ve known for a while that I should start writing again so I can express my emotions and process my thoughts. I learn so much from other people by reading their stories – it makes me realize that I’m not alone in a life consumed by bottomless depression. That there is more to life than constant struggle and that life is worth fighting for.
Lately I have been taking more Ativan than is prescribed. To numb the pain. To suppress the past. I hadn’t drank in over a year and recently I got the bottle back out.
The heartache from being away from my boyfriend who is in prison breaks me down a little more each day.
It feels like everything has built up since I’ve been away and other than counseling I haven’t had an outlet. Since early this year I haven’t felt connected with others with my same struggles.
I have many things to get off my chest and I figure I will write a post for each major subject… it helps organize my thoughts and if anyone is reading this then it will make more sense to you as well (I’m sure).