I can’t stop loving you. I am so unequivocally in love with you. And when I ask myself “why” I am left with the blessing of shame for not moving on as fast as you did. We loved each other very differently when we had our time. You lived in the fantasy world of optimism… Continue reading To Be Determined…
Category: Suffering
Internal Hope
Internal Hope – Originally posted August 5th, 2017 I think of the word “hope” and I must admit, I have no idea how to put a definition on the word. And I use it all the time. Hell, within my first blog on this site, “My Personal Hell”, I referred to hope. In case you can’t… Continue reading Internal Hope
My Return
I haven’t been on here since February and it feels like just yesterday. It is incredible how so much heartache and so much growth can happen in a few short months. I’m still working through all my demons. Some days I am brilliant. Other days I pull myself out of bed. I’m still a little… Continue reading My Return
Without You
Do you ever need someone? The type of need that forces one last breath without their presence? Without them you know your lungs will collapse. As your chest rises and falls, you know within each tenth of a second how acutely aware you are that you cannot have them. Worse? The fact that you cannot do… Continue reading Without You
My Life
Beautiful mind, Lost and alone. The broken past, Chaos and control. Her heart of gold, Selfless and dull. My mystery ride, Inside and out, brings Self-discovery Untold. Quest for peace – the Tears and the pain Ache deep inside. Irrationality in control. String me along Until I fold. Question remains – Choose to live, in… Continue reading My Life
Long Days
Working ten hours a day equates extreme exhaustion – especially when you just go off six months of medical leave. I pushed myself too hard and now I spiral down. Ugh. My boss has expectations and I need my job to pay my mortgage and bills…. but F*CK! I am trying to be optimistic so… Continue reading Long Days
Perfection, Excellence… and Depression?
“Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.” – Harriet Braiker Perfection and excellence are similar but are polarized; perfection is on one end of the spectrum and excellence balancing the teeter-totter far away on the other end. But what happens when you throw a huge metal wrench in the middle called depression?… Continue reading Perfection, Excellence… and Depression?
Drug of Choice
Friends – I would love input on the following… Until recently, I didn’t realize that a drug can be anything you use that: will block pain, suppress pain, or hide the pain. Anything you use, or don’t use, to alter your state of mind, so you don’t think rationally and/or clearly. And it doesn’t have… Continue reading Drug of Choice
Brain Voices
I try. I really do. I made myself get out of bed this morning. I made myself get ready to go to work. Then I fell to my knees crying. When you have a medication “cocktail” going on in your brain (Mental Health Genetic Test), there isn’t much to do. Or that you can do.… Continue reading Brain Voices
Smile – It’s Social Media
Friends – Do you ever encounter this? I’ve been told over and over again that I look “so happy”. But isn’t that a deception of oneself? The photo / status that that person is viewing often time isn’t real-time in the current moment. Meaning, it doesn’t reflect my current mood right now. Not to mention,… Continue reading Smile – It’s Social Media
Finding Happiness 