I had a very rough day. My body and brain are still trying to adjust to a rather crazy change in a mood stabilizer/SSRI and the side effects continue. Hallucinations, outbursts of crying, extreme depression and fatigue, and the occasional panic attack. It’s almost midnight and as I reflect back on today, I am grateful… Continue reading Finding Gratitude in the Dark
It’s never easy to walk away, let her go. When you touched my heart, you could tell I was broken. Everything leads to – just walk away – but you love me. It will be okay. It will hurt. Bottoms up, tonight. Time can’t steal the love you’re born to find. Never easy but you’ll… Continue reading Learning to Love
I have been struggling with the side effects of depresion and anxiety medications for a little over three years now. When I took a mental health genetics test through GeneSight it finally led us on the right path. However, no one could have guessed just how sensitive my system really is. I have tried over… Continue reading This is me.
A different place, different conversation. Still wanting to runaway now. Chasing my self, seeking my personality not found. Who am I? If I can’t have myself then you can’t have me either. Lost, hot damn. This river flows and boulders crash circling the tornado. At rock bottom, does the grass grow green? Glimmer before me?… Continue reading Who Am I – A Poem?
Internal Hope – Originally posted August 5th, 2017 I think of the word “hope” and I must admit, I have no idea how to put a definition on the word. And I use it all the time. Hell, within my first blog on this site, “My Personal Hell”, I referred to hope. In case you can’t… Continue reading Internal Hope
I haven’t been on here since February and it feels like just yesterday. It is incredible how so much heartache and so much growth can happen in a few short months. I’m still working through all my demons. Some days I am brilliant. Other days I pull myself out of bed. I’m still a little… Continue reading My Return
“My Mind” – June 15, 2017 Smart mouth Head Spinning Silenced Whip lash ends Despair withdrawals Beg for You To calm my storm Paramount Recovery of hope. Demons retreat, Almost.
Can someone please tell me the difference? Maybe there is no difference. Maybe the rage is the trigger for the anxiety? Or does the anxiety trigger the rage? Either way, there is a catalyst propelling change in an arguably unpleasant outcome. Have you ever thought about it this way — the other driver(s) has no clue… Continue reading Road Rage vs. Road Anxiety
Do you ever need someone? The type of need that forces one last breath without their presence? Without them you know your lungs will collapse. As your chest rises and falls, you know within each tenth of a second how acutely aware you are that you cannot have them. Worse? The fact that you cannot do… Continue reading Without You
November 14th – Day 1 after the funeral of my friend Amanda. Into the late hours of the 13th-14th, I was up all night crying, shaking, in denial, confused. When I awoke at 5am (after 3 hours of sleep) on the 14th, I couldn’t imagine how ANYONE would go to work. I texted my boss… Continue reading Resign?