I am an animal lover. Borderline PETA type of shit.
For most of my life I have had MDD. When I sought treatment and each SSRI messed my brain up more, I went into a tailspin. The highest high, and lowest low; all induced by chemical toxicity.
When I went through manic moods I bought a puppy. No one told me that a puppy is a lot of work… Like a lot of work. During my depressive moods, a friend would need to take care of her for days at a time; because I couldn’t even take care of myself; mostly because I was on my couch eating crackers and frosting and crying.
When my moods were at the lowest low, and on the days that I couldn’t take care of her… there were days when I asked myself: ” what have I done…” “I’ve given her a bad life” “she doesn’t deserve this”. Times when I’d snap at her for no logical reason.
My moods are now stabilized. Now I have this adorable creature. An innocent puppy. If you have ever owned a puppy then you know what I mean when I say they are high maintenance. So I ask myself from time to time whether it was worth it.
Now? She is my life source. My therapy. My best friend. My daily dose of therapy. She makes me happier than anything else. I am so thankful I chose to keep her in my life.