This isn’t me. At least, I don’t think it is? If it is the new me then I hate it!
Ever since the roller coaster of trial and error with SSRIs, Aug2016-May2017, I have been recovering. Apparently my neurotransmitters process great, so when you increase them, I get significantly worse.
Cognitive function is slow and I stumble to find words, sometimes. Depression is still there and will be debilitating if it is triggered (i.e. no sleep, mom messaging me, extreme emotion, frustration that I can’t process thoughts…).
That is what is so difficult for me. Not being able to process thoughts/emotions and then respond to them. Before all this medication crap, I could.
I’m sure is all sounds so stupid.
I was making progress May-June this year. Then BAM. July of this year when a non-compatible drug put a stop on my progress and made it worse (f*** you Tramadol).
Now. It is ALL a recovery game and hoping. And it hurts soo bad to continue. Days like this make me wish I wasn’t here.
I didn’t ask for this. I asked for help. And I don’t want this to be the new me…