Sometimes I wonder what this life will bring next. I pulled myself out of bed today. I remember staring at the clock for over an hour thinking “just five more minutes”. Do you ever wonder WHY you got out of bed on certain days? I have no explanation for todays miracle, lol. I am still… Continue reading Day Nine – No Antipsychotics
Who Am I – A Poem?
A different place, different conversation. Still wanting to runaway now. Chasing my self, seeking my personality not found. Who am I? If I can’t have myself then you can’t have me either. Lost, hot damn. This river flows and boulders crash circling the tornado. At rock bottom, does the grass grow green? Glimmer before me?… Continue reading Who Am I – A Poem?
Internal Hope – Originally posted August 5th, 2017 I think of the word “hope” and I must admit, I have no idea how to put a definition on the word. And I use it all the time. Hell, within my first blog on this site, “My Personal Hell”, I referred to hope. In case you can’t… Continue reading Internal Hope
My 19 Year Old Kitty
[This image was taken in 2011 in her youth-ish years. I won’t post a picture now because it is sad to see her so old] Snip. My precious baby that I’ve had through all these years of struggle. I got her the year I was going into my Freshman year of high school. Every late… Continue reading My 19 Year Old Kitty
Have you ever just cried? Like REALLY let it all out? Maybe in the shower, looking up toward where the water is spraying your face so that no one can hear. Yesterday night and tonight have been my crying nights. My counselor tells me that it is therapeutic. I’m not sure. I always come out… Continue reading Limitless Tears
My “I Don’t Want to Go” Letter for YOU
Hello Lovely Friends. I was mindlessly venturing around on Facebook when I stumbled upon a post that caught my eye. My friend shared a link and the caption is “‘I’m 27. I Don’t Want to Go. I Love My Life’ Heartbreaking Letter Written by Young Woman Dying of Cancer”. It may catch your attention too… Continue reading My “I Don’t Want to Go” Letter for YOU
This time last year I was curled on the couch, four days since my last shower, pills in hands reach, with nothing more than suicidal ideations that were strong enough to zone out the tv volume of four, Family Guy. I wouldn’t get the “correct” medication until May tenth. Leaving approximately 126 days of sorrow… Continue reading 2017 Reflections
Come back No dream Sorrow pours deeper Than the black sea The heart of so many I’ve lost track Your smile so Sarcastic, sweet No judgement Acceptance between Think about me? Remember me? My mistake Question the truth Always missing you
Hearts & Spirits go to Las Vegas, Caregivers, and Loved Ones
Many words, sympathy and empathy are being passed around rught now. Below is a message from my hospitals regional COO highlighting the heart felt message from our CEO at PSJH system. Dear Kadlec Caregivers: The Las Vegas mass shooting is unimaginable in its horror. Dr. Hochman has drafted a particularly meaningful message below. Please share… Continue reading Hearts & Spirits go to Las Vegas, Caregivers, and Loved Ones
This isn’t me. At least, I don’t think it is? If it is the new me then I hate it! Ever since the roller coaster of trial and error with SSRIs, Aug2016-May2017, I have been recovering. Apparently my neurotransmitters process great, so when you increase them, I get significantly worse. Now?… Cognitive function is slow… Continue reading New Me?