IFS: Worthy vs. Perfection

If you’ve read my blog titled Internal Family Systems then you’ll know that I’ve done a lot of work growing my self-worth leading me towards a Self driven life.

Yesterday in therapy, we started talking about my job and the issues I have with my boss not holding others accountable when I escalate issues to him. Now that my mood has stabilized and I have more clarity, I’ve been speaking up for myself more. He isn’t used to that.

My counselor asked me if he felt threatened in his job security. He doesn’t even recognize me a leader of the organization (even though I am two steps below the CAO and I am parallel to the leadership team). I have made significant contributions to the organization that will transform the direction of the hospital. Yet, in therapy I commented that I don’t feel like I mean anything.

How does this make me feel (what is the belief behind that statement)?

It makes me feel unworthy!! Not appreciated, not recognized, not important.

This triggered my perfectionist part. 

Then … here comes my problem solving part stating “I need answers, a conclusion, a plan for next steps.”

Hence, the polarization between parts began. I can feel them looking at one another with a questioning attitude. Curious. Yet, neither believes that they can work together with the other. No waiting room. No container. 

They have agreed to shake hands and to work together.. but none of them knows what happens next. Just that they recognize one another and thank each other for speaking up.

We’ll consider this Step 1. And be patient with what happens next.