Finding Happiness

… I will never regret.

Each moment. Each judgement. Each subjective opinion. Each comparison. All the jokes, giggles, sexy looks, agreement on physical appearances of others, our mutual love of Capt. Morgan’s or Skittles or Sex on the Beach. All those transparent conversations about sex and debates regarding the best way to have sex.

You were gorgeous with a beautiful heart. It pained me every time you disagreed because it meant you didn’t see what everyone else did. I hated any comment that started with “I wish I was like Brandi because…”.

I love you.

You left us too soon. But I know you’d think we were nuts for crying (then again, maybe not). Maybe you’d want to know how much you are loved and missed. You certainly are. In the depths of so many hearts. But you’d want us to be happy. To know that it will be okay.

I will never forget one of my first interactions with you when you were a new manager at Shopko. I applied for a supervisory position in the jewelry department. You called me to your office and asked me “what is your definition of punctual”. As a 16 year old kid, I didn’t have a response except “be timely?”. You looked at me and told me that I better figure that one out. Lol. It sounds harsh but that was YOU – you are you – you were never afraid to be you. And your sarcastic witty remarks are missed.

It has only been two weeks. It feels like a life time.

I saw you last early in this year. We sat by one another. I always felt so comfortable in your presence. We always sat close at the SportsPage. The SportsPage… the bar where it all started. The memories… OH the memories. Hours into late in the night of drinking and laughing hysterically.

I love you.

And I know my mother loved you more. You were everything to her. Her rock. Her escape from unhappiness at home. She feels empty without you here. You were part of her. I know YOU know that she will take care of the girls and the fur babies.

You will be in our every action, thought, perspective. We can’t bring you back and it hurts. It hurts really fucking bad. Just know that we love you and we will always miss you. Every bit of stubborn, sarcastic, sour, defiance, imperfection.

I will always love you Amanda ❤