November 14th – Day 1 after the funeral of my friend Amanda. Into the late hours of the 13th-14th, I was up all night crying, shaking, in denial, confused. When I awoke at 5am (after 3 hours of sleep) on the 14th, I couldn’t imagine how ANYONE would go to work. I texted my boss… Continue reading Resign?
Category: trauma
Missing You
Come back No dream Sorrow pours deeper Than the black sea The heart of so many I’ve lost track Your smile so Sarcastic, sweet No judgement Acceptance between Think about me? Remember me? My mistake Question the truth Always missing you
Presence
Alive Above ground Sink within At my worst In my despair You were there Search for air Let it fold Be bold The chores Before I broke Obligated To dream or Scream You were still there
Drug of Choice
Friends – I would love input on the following… Until recently, I didn’t realize that a drug can be anything you use that: will block pain, suppress pain, or hide the pain. Anything you use, or don’t use, to alter your state of mind, so you don’t think rationally and/or clearly. And it doesn’t have… Continue reading Drug of Choice
Brain Voices
I try. I really do. I made myself get out of bed this morning. I made myself get ready to go to work. Then I fell to my knees crying. When you have a medication “cocktail” going on in your brain (Mental Health Genetic Test), there isn’t much to do. Or that you can do.… Continue reading Brain Voices
Fear of What is Next…
Fear. It can consume you. It can make the world stop until you finish dwelling on that same fear. Only, it doesn’t stop unless you control it. You may share this same struggle with me; the wonder that fills your mind; the question you ask repeatedly, “how can I make the world start again?”. Control.… Continue reading Fear of What is Next…
Working with High Functioning Anxiety
Hi friends. I had tried every online suggestion to manage anxiety prior to seeking medication. But the panic attacks. Excessive sweating. Debilitating worrying. The random striking of chest pain always continued. Is it wrong to speak up for this when at work? I feel like there is a fine line between your boss viewing you… Continue reading Working with High Functioning Anxiety
Mindfulness in Depression
Have you ever had a provider say to you “just breathe”…… AGHHGHG. Right? It is more complex than that! Like all my symptoms magically go away when I take a deep breath. If it were that simple then I wouldn’t be sitting in your office… Mastering mindfulness takes time. It took two years until I… Continue reading Mindfulness in Depression
Crying in Public
Does anyone else struggle with crying in public? I have no problem at ALL crying myself to sleep or in the shower. Both are when I am all alone. However, when I am in public… I will do everything possible to hold that pain in. What I have learned over 30 years is that pain… Continue reading Crying in Public
Internal Hope
I think of the word “hope” and I must admit, I have no idea how to put a definition on the word. And I use it all the time. Hell, within my first blog, “My Personal Hell”, I referred to hope. In case you can’t place a definition on the word, here you go: an optimistic… Continue reading Internal Hope
Finding Happiness 